If Famous Writers had Written Twilight
If Christopher Nolan wrote it, then Bella dies or is already dead. If someone wrote it for David Fincher, then everyone dies and there is no love.Haruki Murakami:
Bella has sex with Edward, who is half a ghost. Jacob is a talking cat. Most of the prose is given over to descriptions of Bella making pasta.
Jane Austen
Basically the same as the original, except that Bella is socially apt and incredibly witty. Her distrust of Edward is initially bourne out of a tragic misunderstanding of his character, but after a fling with Jacob during which he sexually assaults her (amusing to no one in this version) she and Edward live happily ever after.
If Chuck Palahniuk had written Twilight, then Edward and Jacob would have been the same person. If J.D. Salinger had written Twilight, then Bella would have called them both phonies and gotten depressed.
Oh my god the Murakami one… XD
I also love these two.
Lewis Carroll: Bella takes acid and charts syllogisms.
Ayn Rand: Edward tells Bella that he intends to stop saving her life, unless she starts paying him in gold bullion. Hatefucking ensues, then Jacob spouts objectivist philosophy for the next 100 pages.
Nabakov Edward is sexually interested in a girl a fraction of his age.
(Source: bookriot)
